


10 Men And A Baby

by KurtbastianJust



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Mentions of orgy, Mpreg, bp!Kurt, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 03:04:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1494262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KurtbastianJust/pseuds/KurtbastianJust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wrote a crack!fic, that is all.<br/>Inspired By: A Way Too Weird Piss-On-My-Face Convo With Katt</p><p>Beta: Larinia713</p>
            </blockquote>





	10 Men And A Baby

** **

 

 

**1 Year Ago**

Kurt wavered room to room, 6 shots in and nearly down for the count. The house was full of men, every age, size, type, build. His hands pressed against hot skin and his lips were swollen and sore. His breath reeked of Scotch and Apple Liquor. He fell into someone’s arms who picked him up with a graceful ease before filling his pussy with another massive cock. All Kurt remembers of the experience that night was being passed from man to man, blonds and brunettes, his body being pummeled and savaged and perfectly wrecked.

 

He remembered a few faces, a bit more forceful and loving than gruesome and cruel. Hunter Clarington, clinging to his hips as he bit up and down his neck, fucking him and roughing up his inner thighs until they oh-so-pleasingly hurt. Never would he be able to forget Sebastian Smythe, who tugged on his hair just how Kurt happened to love it, letting the boy ride him until he was spasming and gushing liquids.

 

He knew Blaine happened to be in the mix and at one point he was dragged into the closet by a man in a mask and taken from behind.

 

So, whose surprise was it that two months later the little test came up positive, he was having a child?

 

All ten men he called to congratulate.

 

**The Calls**

“Blaine?” Kurt whispered, making him the first call. Kurt knew to get the worst one over and done with. “I’m pregnant.” All he heard was silence from the other line then a clattering and crashing sound of the phone. Kurt rolled his eyes before hanging up.

 

“Sebastian? Hey it’s Kurt.” He whispered and heard a sigh.  
“You’re pregnant aren’t you? Am I literally getting the ‘conceived at an orgy’ call right now?!”  
“Yes. Yes you are, you ass. Bring me cheese and pickles and I won’t hate you.”  
“Fine. I’ll be over in twenty.”

 

“Hey Hunt!” Kurt said weakly.

“Sebastian already texted. Dill or sweet?”

“I changed my mind. Bring peanut butter and some vanilla ice cream?”

“Of course, Baby Face.”

“Ugh… Don’t call me that anymore.”

“Okay, Dick Breath.”

“Much better. Love you.”

 

“Hey Trent!”

“Kurt?”

“Yes… Listen… I’m pregnant and I know you were there that night…”

“It was only in your ass I swear! I WORE A FUCKING CONDOM!”

“Either way… I wanted you to know I’ll be doing a DNA test.”

“O-O-Okay. Have you called Blaine?”

“UGH!!!” Kurt slams his thumb down on the end button.

 

“Jeff.”

“Kurt.”

“We had sex.”

“I was drunk. I barely remember.”

“Same here. I’m pregnant.”

“Well fuck. I’ll call Nick.”

“Thanks Jeff.”

 

“KURTSY!” Chandler screamed over the phone. “Today I went to the mall and--”

“Chand… Baby I’m preggers out the eggo.”

“Oh my God. Like T Swift in Mine?”

“Yeah, like Angelina Jolie can’t be.”

“Holy shit…. Is It mine?”

“Don’t know. We’re all hanging at my place right now. I’ll call you when I know.”

“Are you going to call Davy?”

“Yeah…”

“Tell him I love him and I’m sorry about the pee thing.”

“I don’t even want to know, Chandler….”

 

“Hey David. It’s Kurt.” Kurt said to Karofsky quietly.

“Hey Sunshine, what’s going on? Did Chandler tell you to call?”

“Yes but that’s not why I’m calling. Just wanted to tell you I’m preg- Hold on. YEAH! JUST OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR YOU MORONS! I’M FUCKING PREGNANT! DON’T YOU CUSS AT ME SEBASTIAN SMYTHE! I DON’T FUCKING CARE IF YOU LICK MY PUSSY EVERY NIGHT I’M NOT AFRAID OF STOMPING ON YOUR DICK! CLARINGTON I SWEAR TO GOD YOUR DICK WILL BE THE FIRST TO GO IF YOU LAUGH AT OUR BOYFRIEND! Sorry Dave.”

“Just text me when you get the DNA results okay?”

“Yeah, Chandler says sorry about the pee thing and sends his love.”

“OH MY GOD!” Dave shouted and hung up.

 

“David?”

“Yeeees? You have the number one line straight to the land of perfect dark brown chocolate. What can I do for you tonight?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“O-Oh! Well, if your babe comes out swirled and deliciously cute, you know I’m your man!”

“Yeah. Night cuddle king!”

“Night Kurtsy Furtsy.”

“Dumb Ass.” Kurt murmured, rolling his eyes and hanging up.

 

**The Birth Of Christ-ian.**

Sebastian and Hunter held Kurt’s hands, cringing as he clenched. They pressed kisses to his forehead before getting screamed at as if they were exorcists and he was demonically possessed. But to be honest, the past nine months HAD been hell with the Demon-Kurt. He got bossy, or at least, more bossy than what he was before.

 

“AHHHHHHHH! FUCK I HATE YOU BOTH! IF THIS BABY COMES OUT BLACK I WILL START GOING TO FUCKING CHURCH YOU EVIL SONS OF BITCHES!” He screamed, body flexing and pushing, contracting and causing curses to spill from the boys lips.

 

Hunter glanced at Sebastian, his fingers being crushed. His boyfriend shrugged as they looked to their third as a child was being born between them. The words leaving Kurt as screams of contracting muscles elicited from his mouth.

 

Sebastian and Hunter both gasped as the doctor cut the cord and went to wash their child.

 

“Is he beautiful?” Kurt whispered, out of breath and sweating. Sebastian smiled as their baby was brought back to them in a towel.

 

“Yes. He is.” Hunter said, kissing Kurt’s cheek as Sebastian swept Kurt’s hair off his forehead.

 

“You did so good baby.” Sebastian said and the doctor handed the child to him. He lifted the child, smiling. “Well… It’s not black.” He said and laid the child in Kurt’s arms.

 

“Of course not, that would have made it too easy.” He grumbled before gasping, looking at his child. “Hey baby…” He whispered and gently rubbed a thumb over the child’s forehead.

 

**THE NEWS**

 

“IT’S A BOY!” Hunter and Sebastian cheered as they ran into the waiting room, their friends all waiting.

 

“And?!” David asked, hands in his pocket.

 

“And so white it’s ridiculous.” Sebastian said, laughing as the male doubled over, gasping happily.  

 

“So… whose is it?” Blaine asked, wide eyed and Sebastian smiled, glancing at Hunter. “We’re not sure. None of our DNA match Christians.”

 

“W-What? How? We were the only ones at that party.”

 

Sebastian shrugged. “It’s a miracle baby, and that’s what we’re sticking with.”

 

**THE SURPRISE**

 

On Christians first birthday, all of the men Kurt surrounded himself with had shown up. There was one man however who hadn’t who left only a card on the table before disappearing out the door before Kurt could see his face. “Hey Hunter? Who was that?”

 

“Uhm…. Adam? We used to be stoner buddies. We were at his house the night we all had that orgy-- OH MY GOD!”

 

Kurt opened his mouth and grabbed the card as Christian was held by Blaine.

_**To my only son,** _

_**I’m sorry I’m not around.** _

_**But you’ve got ten great daddies.** _

_**Love,** _

_**Dad.** _

 

The End

Of a horrible crackfic.

 

 


End file.
